September 14, 2005
This isn't really a question, it is prompted by the question of Sept 13 from the lady whose husband cleans beautifully but puts the stuff any old where.
This reminds me of the situation I found when I lived in another country and very briefly had a maid. She would scrub and clean wonderfully, but she would pick up everything--Barbie shoes, dishes, junk mail-- and stick it in a drawer or cupboard. Then I could never find anything afterwards. I was frustrated because, of course, the hard part is not picking it up, but figuring out where i goes. If I had been a FLyBaby then I wonder what I would have done differently. I hope I would have used my time to get rid of the junk and to find a home for everything so that I could put it there, myself, before she came to clean, leaving her a clear floor/space to do what she did best. That might work for this FLyBaby-- after all, our systems for figuring out where everything belongs are not always as obvious as we think.
September 14, 2005
Reader Responds to Tracy in TN (Sept. 13th) who’s dh is robo-maid and puts stuff away in the wrong places. My suggestion is that they get an empty box or laundry basket for him to take from room to room, tossing items in when he’s in robo-maid mode. Then Tracy can put the things away in their proper place or boogie them out or whatever. I bet she could do it lickety-split, or just take 15 minutes at a time. I strongly urge them NOT to designate precious cabinet or drawer space for this purpose. The clutter will be out-of-sight-out-of-mind and be overflowing before they know it. (And Tracy, be sure to give your dh a great big kiss and tell him some of your FlyBaby Sisters sure are envious of your helpful dh!)
FlyBaby Gail in Texas
September 14, 2005
FLyLady's WebDude Lee Here - Here is a response I gave to a reader - her feedback is below:
The video messages, letters and phone calls when available will do
wonders to keep up your husband's morale during his time away. This,
along with a caring and supportive tone during this time (which is
difficult for both of you) should be enough. Make sure that in your
communications with him prior to his return, that you keep him up to
date on all the family happenings. That way, when he returns, he will
not need to do 18 months of catching up just to be on the same page.
Once his deployment is completed and he returns home, you will not
get back to the norm right away, as you two will have led separate
existences. Compassion, compromise and time will let things work out
for the best.
Also, please tell your husband that I genuinely appreciate what he is
doing for our country. It is not said often or loud enough to those who serve.
Thank you for your reply. I told my husband of your appreciation, and it made him feel good. You're right, he doesnt hear it enough. Attitudes about the military can be warped. I've heard so many horrible things from people (through message boards, T.V.). They have no clue what they are talking about. Some horrible people have made soilders look bad, but people fail to realize there are sick, greedy, trigger happy people who are not in the military that may live next door. Hard to weed these people out when they sign up when they have no priors and can pass a pych test.
I will stop there, my reply was to thank you for appreciating my husband LOL. I just wanted to let you know he said "Oh, um ok, ya I dont hear that often, that makes me feel good." I can thank him all day long, and though I'm his wife, it's not the same. I see the way the Army lives; the dissappointments and let downs as well as the good things. He always says "I cant believe you've put up with the Army this long." So when people "thank" him I feel they are "thanking" me as well. Thank you again, I will stop babbling now.
Fort Drum Flybaby
September 14, 2005
Dear Tom,
Thank you for your quick reply! I've never told anyone about my husbands affair before, so telling you and then receiving feedback is indescribable! My greatest concern has been to protect our 3 children from ever finding out - I don't want them to ever think badly of their father, they love him so much. Also I don't want anyone in our community to find out. I don't want him to suffer from any negativity, since he is a health care professtional and everyone in our community loves and respects him. I have forgiven him, that's why we are still together. I just wish the pain would stop and our marriage could be completely healed. Thank you again for your quick and very insightful reponse.
September 14, 2005
This is for the woman who is waiting until she loses weight before dating. I am 5'10" and weigh 185. I too feel overweight, but most people tell me I don't look fat. But in response to the JERK who e-mailed you, when was the last time you actually weighed 120. For me it was before I hit my full height at age 13. By the time I was full height I was a 135 pound 13 year old and very skinny. Don't look at weight of other people. We are tall women. Even my doctor says 150-165 is a really health weight for me. If you want to lose the weight for health and well-being, go for it. But don't let anyone convince you that 140, 130, 120 is the goal to aim for. Good luck.
September 14, 2005
Tom,
Your answer about why men have affairs was directed too much at blaming the wife. Actually, the man will use his wife as an excuse for HIS OWN CHOICE TO GO WITH HIS LUST rather than honor his marriage vows. All men lust with their eyes and minds at times. If they get a response from a woman, that is when they START TO JUSTIFY THEIR LUST and their desire to play the game of adultery with a willing member of the opposite sex, by finding fault with their marriage. It is the lust for the woman, the feelings that lust arouses, and the challenge to his male ego that causes an affair, not anything his wife is doing. But just like you wrote, he will say that it is because his wife does this or that, or doesn't do this or that as the reason he couldn't resist instead of taking responsibility for HIS OWN CHOICE to go outside the marriage to get some sexual thrills!!! People are not victims when it comes to choices they make, they are absolutley fully responsible for that choice. THEY
HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES IF THEY CHOOSE TO HAVE AN AFFAIR!!!
STOP BLAMING YOUR WIFE FOR WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO!
Tom Here:
I believe I gave a very balanced answer. It could be a variety of things including the man being a jerk which was my number one answer.
Thinking all men have affairs because of lust is so simplistic, that you made my head hurt.
So all men lust and if they have someone show interest they then make up marital problems? MMMMMMMM sounds like a convenient way to have an excuse to be a terrible wife because if the marriage fails it will be all his fault. Then you can sit around drinking coffee and talk about how evil men are. I can see the chip on your shoulder from here.
September 14, 2005
This isn't a question, just a response for the woman who is 5' 10" and weighs 190 pounds. That guy who wrote to you, in addition to being a jerk, was way off-base with an estimate of "120 pounds". That would be underweight according to CDC charts. Also, I am approximately 190 pounds as well, and only 5 feet 5 inches, *and* I met my current boyfriend online. He says he's very attracted to me, and proves it often (if you know what I mean)... A friend of mine has a similar body type -- she's been with her husband, who she met online, for about 7 years so far. So I'd say you don't have to worry -- go ahead and start dating! (Also, thanks Tom et al for this cool site.)
September 14, 2005
Comment to the overweight woman who thought about dating:
PLEASE don't make the mistake to think that people without overweight are happier. I weigh around 95 lbs and am not happy and not unhappy either.
About guys: talk to them whenever and wherever you can. Get involved in something where there are a lot of guys. I went to a taxpayers organization meeting last night and there were many guys (much older than me but anyway) and I could have talked to many if I had wanted to. Ask them questions, be interested in them, and don't think all meetings have to lead to "dates". Some meetings may lead to "nothing" but then maybe that guy knows another guy who knows another guy.....
just go out there and have fun with them!!!
September 14, 2005
Hey Tom, Robert, Lee, Jason and all the other Fly Crew dudes,
LOVE YOUR SITE. Do not change the picture. It makes you guys more real to see an actual photo. Have been away so did not see the site until recenetly. It is marvelous!!
Will print out the ribs info when I get home. Sounds delicous.
Having the FlyFest in Baltimore is a stroke of genius. I was very excited about attending since I live in MD. Then I looked at the dates -- the same time we are moving our boat down the Potomac and to a new slip in Deale (on the western shore of the Bay). So, I won't be able to join you!
Hope the MD crew - Tom, Kelly and all enjoy coming back to home turf. As we all know, October can be a beautiful month here.
Be well, have a great FlyFest! And keep on truckin with the Hey Tom site.
Best wishes, Heather Bernabo
September 14, 2005
This is a response to the woman who has her own tool box that her dad gave her (yay Dad!) and who is unsure what she should put in it. Her husband feels it shauld "only have tools in it". She would like to put Scotch tape in it.
While the list of basic tools you provide is terrific--she needs to remember that it is HER toolbox. This goes for anyone, male or female. Scotch tape, in my opinion, IS A TOOL. You use it to stick things to other things. It is a device that is used to accomplish household tasks. That's what a tool is. I had Elmer's glue and strapping tape in my tool box for years. I knew exactly where they were when I needed them. (Now we have a "glue box".)
As far as I am concerned, she should put whatever things she needs to make her life easier in there. That's what a tool box is for. This is just like Flylady adjusting routines to fit YOUR life. Your toolbox is for YOU. Scotch tape takes up about 2 cubic inches and costs 99 cents a roll. Big deal.
You guys do great work!
Thanks,
-Ximena
September 14, 2005
Comment:
To the lady whose DH wouldn't weed the garden. I also was tired of taking care of the garden by myself. I let the weeding go, choosing other household chores for a while instead. I kept asking my husband to weed, thinkning " this is his yard too" So, after about the 10th time asking him, he finally weeded it for me. He sure did, I came home to a bare garden, he had MOWED OVER THE ENTIRE thing. I asked him why he did it and he laughed and said " so I dont have to hear about weeding until next year" I think if I chose to have a garden next year, I will weed it myself!!!!!!!
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